Nothing Important

it's nearly 1 am. i just got back from my cousin's husband's concert. he plays in a funk cover band. some stupid girl walked in and ran onstage and hugged and kissed him on the cheek. my cousin was pissed, so she said 'i don't appreciate you disprespecting me' and the girl apologized, said 'i'm sorry, i know he's your husband. no disrespect intended.' she then proceeded to dance directly in front of him on the stage, gyrating her hips and looking at him and smiling. in return, he gave her looks. wiggled his brow a little. smiled at her. looked into her eyes. my cousin and her husband have two young children. i am typically not a violent person, but tonight at the bar, watching her dance and him look on, i couldn't decide which of those two i wanted to punch worse.

my husband is in vegas at a bachelor party as i write this. most likely, he is fondling the fake breast of a stripper, while his moronic friends egg him and the others on.

me? i'm sitting in the dark, typing on the computer. it's a little chilly tonight, and i still have my coat on, didn't bother to take it off. i had a nice time tonight. i did, i think. i could have lived without it, i know. but whatever. it's so quiet in here, i can hear my dog chewing his kibble in the other room.

i'm a teacher. or, i guess i can say, i was hired to teach middle school kids. do i actually get any teaching done? i don't know. in one of my classes i have the one student in the school that's permitted to wear a hat in school. the chemo made his hair fall out all last year. he is a fair skinned redhead with a round face. i have known him for four days and i love him so much that my heart breaks just thinking about him.

i'm not a great teacher. would definitely make a much better mentor or big sister. i care about my students. i really do. but i spend my whole day thinking about the end of the day, about the weekend, about something else.

the best part of the school year is when the kids begin to like me as a person. when they smile at me and walk out of their way to see me. their hearts are so open, so vulnerable, so precious. 'do you have any papers for me to hand out?' 'can i erase your board?'

could you be any sweeter?

i still haven't figured out what to make this blog about. i guess it doesn't matter, anyway. no one will see it. there are so many things in my head that no one will ever hear or know, or ever care to know. it's strange to always be in an influential position, but never have any influence. it's like being transparent